An Epiphany
Today I had an epiphany on why I live my life the way I do, believe in doing the things I do. I've been having this internal struggle - always wondering what lies at the end of the road for me. Is it success? Will my ideal life ever come to fruitition? Throughout this whole time I've seen the progress of the steps I've taken. Getting through undergrad, preparing for graduate school, establishing a career for myself and fostering the relationships I've decided to build with people. However, the struggle in my mind always ended with, "where is this leading to?" Will it be success and under what terms? And the scariest question of all, "will I fail?" School does a funny thing to you - it makes you think you've got the right ideas in mind if you get the right grades. However, why doesn't anyone ever grade you on being driven or being determined or making yourself happy? Because to me these are the things that makes someone eventually succeed in life. Success is all encompassing - career, relationships - and doing essentially what makes you happy.

I've been seeing all this through a friend of mine in school who had the balls to leave a great paying job, get engaged, and start a business essentially from scratch. I thought to myself, how can he do this? What the hell motivates him? Isn't he afraid to fail and isn't everyone going to think he is crazy? But at the same time I was drawn to him. By his motivation, his determination and passion to do something so out of the norm. How does he do this and why can't I, I began to ask myself. It's crazy. It's like a surge of emotion that I can't explain. To be passionate about what you do and to do it just because you are passionate about it. Yet, he also explained it to me like this: people are caught up with getting to the end goal. They do not realize that we do not have control of results but we do have control over the process of getting to the end. It's about the journey and you can't be afraid of the outcome.

Some of you have heard me talk about living in fear. I think we all do to some degree. But I know something holds me back everytime and I realize it's the fear of failing. The thing is, not every great achievement happens without failing. The creator of the Apprentice and the Survivor says that we just have to "jump in even though we can't swim." How are we ever going to realize our full potential if we don't take that first step? Maybe we underestimate the strength that lies in each of us to get out of that ditch in case we don't make it out the first time. We are too concerned about what "the right thing to do" is. I don't know, but in the end, you just have to ask yourself am I living to my full potential? And if not, why?

I just love being around driven people. It inspires me and makes me want to go beyond my comfort zone. If you know me you know I always think of my next step in life. There's no such thing as "working too hard" or being "overworked" because people forget it's not hard work when you are passionate about it.

So anyways, as you are reading the monologue of the book I one day dream to write (haha...) I will just enjoy this moment.